Big Fish in a Small Pond

"Y'see, most men, they'll tell a story straight through— it won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either."

A quote from Big Fish, one of my favorite movies of all time. 

Whenever I feel like my life is sinning out of control, that I can't seem to comprehend anything anymore and I can't function, can't think, can't breathe, I turn to a film that I relate to so much. In one scene, Edward Bloom compares himself to his son, saying they both storytellers. His sons writes them down, while he speaks them. I am a story teller.

I love writing, and I love sharing my stories with people. If you're my friend, you know this to be true. I find some of my stories so entertaining, and I am always talking about my experiences. I think that's why I love this movie. I exaggerate, yes, but only for the good of the story. I want a life worth speaking about, worth writing about. I want to be known for what I've done, and Iw ant people to enjoy my stories, and to crave more.

As I watch this, I relate to so many quotes in the story, but one in particular stands out to me right now. 

"And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the truth is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere."

As my time in college comes to an end, I find myself staring at multiple roads and can envision multiple futures I could have. Some involve a life settled down, another involves a life of travel and ambition and never being in the same place twice. I have decisions to make, and I know they can change, but right now I feel so much pressure in my life. Truth be told, I'm not ready to end up anywhere, or with anyone. I am me, and right now I'm content with my life and I'm really looking forward to my future.

I'll admit, I'm a hopeless romantic, but I know in time I'll find love, and I know in time that my life will play out in exactly the way I intended it to. I'm leaving things up to fate, and just hope that everything turns out great in the end. It's time for me to write more stories, to experience more things to write about. I need to be comfortable with myself before i can be comfortable with anyone else, and I'm looking forward to that. And when I'm old, I can look back on my life and smile, and know that I did everything right.

"The man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him. And in that way, he becomes immortal."

Anger and Frustration

This is a vent session. 

Whenever I get angry, I find it best to sit back and write vigorously about everything that frustrates me. It is a personal therapy, and gives me a moment to relax. This is one of those times.

I am sick of people harassing me about useless bullshit. I said it, bullshit. At this current moment in my life, and in the lives of all the seniors here at my school, the main priority is to pass classes and to get a job. So why, instead, am I spending my nights arguing with my peers over opinion articles and ad pricing? It's ridiculous. I want to be able to go through a week, where I can complete all my work, put out a paper without worrying that someone is going to get all frustrated over an article that isn't that bad, and then end up looking like the bad guy. I'm sick of being hated for doing my job. I feel as though I'm constantly fighting to defend myself and my friends, and the decisions I make in my VOLUNTARY positions here on campus.

And that's what kills me. This is all voluntary. I have a strong personality, and am one who is not willing to back down without a fight. But why am I stressing myself over such foolish and irrelevant things? When I graduate in a month, and look back on my years at RWU, the last thing I want to remember is that people were angry at me for doing my job. and doing it well.

This is my statement: I am a reporter. I am the editor in chief. My only dedication lies with my newspaper. I want to be known as one of the best editors in the history of my school, and to report on what I feel is important. I want to print the opinions that matter, and I don't care who they anger. In the real world, what I'm doing is so minor, and no one is going to care about what I did on a daily basis at RWU. I'm proud of myself, and if I angered people, so what. 

But the stress kills me. Maybe I'm cut out for this. Maybe Archaeology is my future. Everyone I work with for that is already dead. And their lives are so much more important. 

My point: What you do in college is only a small part in your life story. No one will care about how popular you were in high school, and no one will care how much you did for your organization in the future. So get over yourself. Shut down your ego, and start caring about something meaningful.

The List

So over the weekend, while hanging out with my wonderful family in Cape Cod, I realized that I had a list of things that I need to research, not for school, not for a job, but simply for the soul purpose of increasing my knowledge of the world. 

So, for the first time, I'm going to begin my list. It's like a bucket list, of everything I want to read about and everything I want to learn how to do. I want to be able to talk about the oddest things, and know something about it. I will be the ultimate conversation starter, or the ultimate conversation piece. 

This would also be a great list to go off of for future gifts.

So, voila! The List.

1. I want to learn more about rock operas. I want to know how they started, why they exist, and I want to watch them.

2. Rock climbing. I already know how to do this, I just want to do more of it.

3. I want to read more of the Bible in a historical context. how much came true? And how does it relate to today?

4. I want to become a wine connoisseur. I want to know types of wines, the best years, and what foods go well with what wines.

5. Cooking. I want to master Italian flavors, then following with japanese. I want to be able to know how to sue certain spices and certain oils. I also want to be able to cook some of the dishes I always crave but could never make.

6. I want to learn an instrument. I have a guitar, so I could do that. Or go back to piano. I'm sure after some practice I could pock that up again.

7. Photography. I want to get more into this, as well as filming. I know the basics, but I want to cover more and experiment more.

8. I want to learn more about American history and travel around the country. Since I live here, I should be able to talk about all the aspects of my home.

9. I want to learn everything I can about archaeology. This is a perspective career for me, so why not, right?

10. I want to learn more about Tibet and the conflicts there. I bought prayer flags on a whim last year, but I want to learn more about them.

Ok, that's it for now. Let's see how long it takes me to do this. I feel it might be a life goal.

Peace!

Gaga

Photoshoped! I caught you!

Check out this photo:

Seems like a nice photo of the President of RWU shaking hands with a Bristol official, commemorating the wonderful gift of a water tower from RWU to the town. Everybody say awwwwwwww.

But look closer. This said Bristol official appears to have an odd outline, one that seems a bit unnatural.

Now look closer. Nirschel has a shadow, the other man does not. At first, I thought that maybe his body was blocking the shadow, but no. If this was a real picture, his shadow would be right in that god damned open area.

So ha RWU, we caught you! Lying to your campus and to the world! What gives man, what gives? Hire a better photographer!

Peace!

Gaga

Trainride from Hell

The morning was so peaceful. I took the metro, the nice, clean metro to Union Station, where I picked up my ticket and a cup of cheap coffee before hopping onto the amtrak train to go home to Providence.

I finished my book, ate my lunch, and then we stopped at Newark. It was so peaceful until then. Now, I'm heading into Connecticut with a group of I think military men, all from New York, and I want to kill myself.

They remind me of the bros at my school. They can't function without eachother, to the point where they called eachother and made them all come to my car. Fml.

Now they are buying beers (because naturally these type of men can't handle going more than a few hours without beer) and are involved in discussions about which bars would be best to go to once they arrive in Boston. One guy complained that he is still hungover from St. Patrick's day, while the only woman in the group announced she brought her camera (no surprise). Needless to say, I might throw myself out the emergency exit. I thought that these kind of people only exisited in college, that eventually they grow up and realize that life is more than just being sent on trips by your job to get drunk. Talk about a downside to the realworld. Here I was thinking that upon graduating the men would mature. False. They don't change.

I have to admit, a beer would be great right now. At least I could relax. But it's funny how now I'm sitting here thinking 'is this what my life would be like if I had stayed with my ex? Thank god I'm broke away from that.'

Maybe it's a bias against new york. For whatever reason, despite the number of times I've visited New York and tried to like it, so far it is my least favorite city in the United States. Sorry world, but NYC is overrated. I like the Met, and the Cloister Museum, but that's it. Every other city I've been to in the US I've loved, but not NYC. I'd take Naples over New York anyday.

DC Travels I forgot to mention....

So I never blogged yesterday. I meant to (and actually did upon my return to the apartment, but deleted as it was a drunken blog), so here's my second entry, acting as yesterday's entry.

I awoke at 8, showered and packed my things before the rest of the kids staying at Amanda's even woke up. They were just hopping in the shower as I was walking out the door, which made me glad I was doing the day alone. I had a set agenda, and no one was screwing it up.

I took a wrong turn on my way to the metro, and ended up walking the entire distance of one stop to Dupont Circle. I didn't mind it though because the weather was perfect out and the scenery was beautiful. All the apartments had this old feel to them, and it reminded me of walking through the streets of London (or Amsterdam). I was loving every moment of the walk, as it was quiet and relaxing, perfect for the morning. I caught the metro at Dupont Circle, and headed to the Mall.

My plan was to spend the morning at the Holocaust Museum, but they issue timed tickets (for crowd control) and mine didn't let me into the exhibit until 11:15. So I changed my plans, and spent my morning wandering monuments in the warm sun, then headed to the museum.

Even though I've seen the monuments before, there's something so surreal about walking through them all. I can't decide which are my favorite. It comes down to three: the FDR Memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, and the Vietnam Memorial.

I started at the Washington Memorial, which is kind of boring. It just reminds me of a giant phalis sticking into the sky, showing male dominance over the country. Not very appealing to a woman if you ask me.

I then walked over to the WW2 Memorial, shot a few photos, then walked along the edge of the reflecting pool to the Lincoln Memorial. It was so hard to prevent myself from running into the pool screaming 'forrest! Forrest!' But I knew Tom Hanks wasn't in town, so it would be a waste. I loved the Lincoln Memorial, probably because it reminds me of the Parthenon, equipted with a giant statue. I sat against one of the columns for a bit too, pretending to be Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers and reminiscing about the crazy wedding season I just experienced. Oooo if only.

Called my mom next, letting her know I was having a wonderful time in DC and that I was alive. I did forget to ask her the name of my dad's uncle, who's on the Vietnam Memorial, but didn't feel like calling back. I walked along the granite scar in the ground, stopping to read names and the notes left by school groups. One woman found a name and broke down crying. Her husband comforted her and the two hugged for a while. I should have photographed it, that could have been a great moment, but I felt bad. I need to be more aggressive with my photography.

I popped by the Korean War Memorial, eavesdropping in on a few tours, and then ate my lunch before circling the pond. I did the FDR memorial, being sure to photograph the dog, and then went to the Jefferson Memorial. I had to laugh there, because the memorial itself is a sad excuse for the Pantheon. It would be so much more effective with an occulus. Pfff, trying to copy the Romans always fails.

At this point it was only 1, and since I have an early morning, I will stop here and continue on my trip to Providence.

Peace for now
-Gaga

Cuz every little thing, is gunna be alright

So in the past week, I've gone full circle. Without realizing it, I've gained more from this trip than I had ever intended.

As I lie here, getting ready to go to sleep, I realized that I'm ready. Graduation is upon me, and now that I've been here, and did this trip, I know that I don't have to worry, because as Bob Marley would say, 'every little thing's gunna be alright.'

I started my journey in Philly, where I visited my sister and got relive freshman year. I got to sleep in a dorm again and to enjoy the lifestyle of sharing bathrooms and dealing with kids running up and down the halls at all hours. The issues Shannon dealt with, like picking housing or deciding what to major in, are things of the past for me, but I found it wonderful to relive those moments with Shannon as she makes her decisions. I also got to spend quality time with my sister, and I was so proud to see her growing up. I'm excited to see her grow over the next three years as she experiences college.

My second stop brought me to a city I want to live in one day. I got to see my friend Amanda, who is doing so well on her own after graduating from RWU, and it reassurred me that life after college isn'ty scary, but instead exciting. I learned a lot about how to get a job here. The biggest piece of advice: be sure you know someone in the field. By having an 'in,' you are more likely to get a job there. This is exciting, because I never realized that me living in DC could be a real possibility. I knew already that I loved it here, but now I know that one day I have to live here, and when is a better time than now?

Seeing Amanda living in DC also made me realize how fun life after college can be. You have a steady job, you can get paid, rent an apartment, and still be able to have fun. There's a lot of young people here, and I could see myself being very happy.

My final stop brings me outside DC to my friend Kate's house. She graduated from UMass, and now works in National Geographic. Hearing her story, and how she landed a job, reassurred me again that everything will be fine. Not only this, but she is at a point where she could really start making a name for herself here. She explained that there are jobs out in the journalism world, and that I can get one. And she can help.

So this trip has brought me a sense of calm. I'm ready to graduate, hell, I'm excited to graduate. If these women can do it, then so can I. Life has only just begun, and it is worth it.